Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert has most recently been quoted in an article called Is Ina Garten's Next Cookbook Cooking for Stephen Colbert?. Stephen Colbert said, “Hey @inagarten, saw you baked elephant ears. Thought we had plans? Had to make them alone. (easy & delicious, thanks for the recipe!)”. Stephen Colbert has been quoted a grand total of 23 times in 12 articles.

Stephen Colbert quotes

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Hey @inagarten – you said you & Jeffrey were having a quiet night in, but I saw that your table is set for six. What's that about?

Hey @inagarten, saw you baked elephant ears. Thought we had plans? Had to make them alone. (easy & delicious, thanks for the recipe!).

My real worry here is that a lot of people might go to house.gov and find out how to call their Congressman and tell them to protect kids and old people.

I know what you're saying … they brought food to the elderly. [But] we all know what happens to food when we eat it – we are literally throwing food down the toilet. If we want to keep America safe, why waste money on Meals on Wheels that could be used on weapons systems? A lot of people say that Mulvaney is being cruel to old people. That's not fair. He's also being cruel to young people, because here's the deal: this budget also cuts after-school lunch programs for poor kids.

I hold in my hand something very significant. It is a joke, a joke that we have confirmed has been heard by Donald Trump. We believe this is the first time any joke dealing with Donald Trump has been released.

Whether or not you're a Trump supporter, whether or not you've heard this joke before, it ought to give you pause that after all this building, I still haven't gotten to the punchline.

Big news today out of the Kremlin – I'm sorry, I misread that: White House. You know how there's all this smoke about the idea that Trump and his folks colluded with the Russians to influence the election, and the Trump people are saying, There's nothing to see here'? Well I spy with my little eye the attorney general of the United States. Things are getting serious because the White House staff has been told to preserve all Russia-related materials. So, you hear that Mr. President? Do not get that mattress steam-cleaned yet.

Any chance there's a mistake and 'Moonlight' is the president? Then he extinguished that torch with a coconut and asked the Democrats to leave the island. Honestly, I don't know what we inherited; you inherited, like, $100 million. Let's be honest. I've got to say, that must have been hard on Trump: People got so excited just hearing Obama's name. Well, there's one problem we can't solve for four years, but, other than that, I agree with you. And this surprised me. This next thing I did not expect at all. Trump came out as pro-choice when it comes to schools.

Adding just one more thing: Suck it, Nordstrom. So, as we come to end of tonight's address to Congress, I think we can all agree on one thing – one down, seven to go. There's a quicker way to say that entire sentence. She just lied.

Honestly, I don't know what we inherited. You inherited like, $100 million. O.K.? Let's be honest. Maybe even rebuild it 10 times, if we had people who refused to pay their contractors. Nonessential federal workers – so Kellyanne Conway is out? People who believe that Donald Trump is an existential threat to this nation, to the experiment of democracy, to Western civilization itself, take heart, because for their powerful rebuttal, the Democrats showed a rerun of 'The Andy Griffith Show.

The theme of the speech was 'renewal of the American spirit,' which I gotta say, really just sounds like a Chinese bootleg of 'Make America Great Again.

Any chance there's a mistake and Moonlight is the president? The female members of the house Democratic caucus all wore white in honor of women's suffrage, while the Republicans wore white in honor of who elected them. So many handshakes, such little hands. It's just like the Statue of Liberty says: give us your tired, your poor, but not so poor that they can't afford a two-bedroom apartment and like, a Mitsubishi. Well, there's one problem we can't solve for four years.

This will be the largest audience to witness an Emmys, period. Both in person and around the globe.

For the past eight years, the White House has given us a leader who's passionate, intelligent and dignified. Sir, I don't even know why you stood up. I was talking about Michelle.

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